Colleague A: "I want to go back to my country after I graduate. I love my country. "
Me: "What do you love most about your country?"
Colleague A: "My family, my students, my friends
Me: "So, the people there. Anything else?"
Colleague A: "my society club (referring to uni club), playing games with my friends, hanging out with my friend's.. "
Colleague B: "here you have no friends, you have nothing to do on weekends..u just stay at home all day.."
I gathered two things from this conversation:
1. Your country is only important because of the people there. Everything else is replaceable. It is the people interaction, the relationship built, the emotion strings attached to it that ties most strongly to your heart and keeps you attached to the country.
 |
| A glimpse of some of the amazing people in my life! |
When you leave something familiar, and move to somewhere where literally no one you know, it may seem intimidating at first and then you find that it is not too big a deal. Slowly though, the lack of human interaction, especially during the weekends WILL get to you. I know because I FEEL IT. And that is the reason why, when I have new found friends, I become so engrossed in building the friendship I feel like a despo and I get so emotional when thing's don't turn out the way I want it to!
p/s: I am still learning how to deal with this.
2. You are not the only one feeling lonely. It's not just me that felt that way. Initially, I thought I was some needy piece of shit (yes, piece of shit) that always needed attention (like some sort of attention seeking whore). I hated myself for it and kept asking myself to stop being so pathetic. Many of my friends back home said that I should just learn how to be alone, that being alone can be really enjoyable and that they enjoy it! In my mind, I was like why can't I learn how to enjoy these things? Why am I so needy? But turns out, I am not the only one that feels this way.Everyone in my shoes feel the same way. I guess, having me time/spending time alone when you are surrounded by the people you love and care about in a place you are familiar with is enjoyable. I mean, I do enjoy those moments when I was back home. But here, you spend most your time alone anyway, why would you still find being a lone to be good quality time or enjoyable?
Anyhow, as time passes, one way or another, we will learn to survive this and deal with it better. It's true! Because I don't find myself in such a messed up emotional state as I frequently did in the pass few months (and probably hence why I am writing this post today) and I accept that while I desperately want companion in my mundane life, I don't have to try too hard to "make friends". I don't have to try to be the perfect friend to keep these people by my side (because you really cannot expect people to always be there for you) and you can always find something else to do to keep you from feeling so miserable.
Oh well, that being said, I would say that I never regret my decision of coming here. I am experiencing and seeing a lot of new things. And I feel ever so blessed! =)
 |
| One of my favourite sunsets so far! |
Until next time!
