Hey guys!
I have a confession to make. Deep down in my heart, I always thought I will never feel homesick. I thought I'd never understand what homesick felt like. Not because I think I am a hell of a great and certainly not because I have a heart of steel. But because, I frankly thought that nothing could ever affect me that much. Because hey, even if I was mad at someone or something, even if I was sad, even if I was annoyed, my feelings quickly melt away after awhile. I just don't hold on to grudges, sadness or pretty much most of the negativity. (again, not trying to be condescending). I guess, while I am pretty emotional, I get out of the hype soon enough. Maybe this is a way my body ensures that I don't get into an emotional overdrive and kill myself. haha..
Anyway, back to my main point. I know that when I left home, I'd experience a lot of stuff, but homesick wasn't what I thought would happen to me. (yea, I was too ignorant. Go ahead and laugh..)
But one day, I was sitting in my room, all alone.. Which was pretty normal by now.. and this sudden thought hit me.. I thought, "if I died here, tonight, in my room. No one would know. My friends and family back home would think I might be too busy at the moment. My friends or uni might think I just didn't come in. And my landlord would have, well, I don't think they would take note. Not until I started rotting and the stench alerted them". And if that's not depressing enough, I then thought, "if I fell really really ill, no one would really care! Say, if I ended up at the hospital, no one would visit!"
I felt so miserable and emotional that big fat tears just started rolling down my cheek uncontrollably. Please don't ask me why I was being such an emotional wreck or overthinking the whole thing. I have no clue what was going on with that puny brain of mine but it did. And I cried and cried and cried. And I decided to tell my siblings about it. And these were some of the amazing things they said that really helped me through that emotional breakdown I had.
Sister: "Aww.. *huggies* You can always messenger us. When you feel lonely you can call us." "We will fly over ok? Don't be so emotional. Mum wil lbe the first to fly over. Or she'll ship you home."
Brother: "If needed, I will swim over"
Sister: "*sends 4 emoticons of simmers* me, mum, dad and bro. *sends emoticon of Australia flag* (as in to say they will all swim over if needed.)
Brother: "I miss you very much. Less one person asking me open the door when I play dota. If anything. you really can call us. Or ask your bf." (I should point out at this point that I am ridiculously useless and always forget my keys when I go out. So my brother will always need to come out and open the doors for me when I am home. Yes, even in the middle of his game. He is that awesome!)
That night, they made me cried harder, made me felt so much more loved, made me felt like everything will be ok.
The second time I felt another weird emotional outbreak was just a few days ago. And this is actually the reason why I wanted to post this.
Few days ago, I was in one of my Christmas moods, I was happily humming carols while I was doing my daily facial cleansing routine. And then I had many ideas of what I want to do. Like get Christmas outfit, got shopping and buy my 2016 Chinese New Year outfit. Maybe this year I'll buy my own tiny little Christmas tree and decorate it just the way I want it in my own room. Benefit of having your own room. Everything was perfect. And then, this emotional thing just hit me again. I would be decorating my tiny Christmas tree alone, I would be celebrating Christmas alone. I would be doing my Christmas shopping and Chinese New Year shopping alone. I suddenly miss the shopping malls back home, the decoration, the stores, even the bloody smell of the malls. That sense of feeling you get around this time of the year back home. And then tears threaten to come rolling down my cheeks again. Except this time, I told myself, "come on, you can do this. Just give yourself a chance to experience this. Don't be so negative. And is it's not like I really don't have friends here. I guess, I just miss home."
So yea, its this sudden pangs, sudden intense longing for the people you grew up with, the familiarity of surrounding.. I guess that's what homesick feels like.
If you have similar feelings, please feel free to share with me. Or if I had the definition of homesick all wrong, please share with me your opinion.
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| Abstract picture? Randomly taken by me. One of the upsides of being here, is that everything is so beautiful! :) |
Until then!
