My weight lost journey in June 2016

So it's been a month and I feel so depressed I think I should pen it down. Why am I depressed? It's the same reason I as always, and the same thing I like to blog and complain about - I've been trying to lose weight and failing miserably. This post will serve as a self reminder, a record if you will, to understand myself a little more. Everytime I lose a bit of weight, I feel like I need to gain it back. I literally eat it back! And I'm extremely successful at it. I don't understand how it's so hard for some people to lose weight because it comes so naturally to me!!!! I don't understand how I know I want to lose weight with all my heart, but the next minute I want to gain it back with as much if not more conviction than I had with trying to lose it in the first place. Is this a psychological problem? Is this a brain trigger to keep your body weight in check as a survival mechanism? Does my will power suck and I just have lame excuses or am I trying to reward myself for the "hardwork" I've put in only to ultimately make it a complete waste? I've been taking pictures of my weight for a month now and I realise its really easy to lose 1kg. I can do that in a week, with healthy diet and exercise. But I also easily gain it back in a week, with letting lose, treating myself and making excuses. And the week after I feel like shit because of the weighing scale and I repeat the cycle again. I'm writing it down this time because I am going to try and keep the losing weight cycle to 2 weeks now instead of 1 week,or,if possible to 1 month instead of 1 week. I am full of self doubt, self loathing and self pity right now that I don't think this is going to happen. But we'll see. I'll update you in a month. Any maybe one day, just one day, when I achieve my target, I'll be brave enough to show the internet world a compilation of my weight change and self loathing fat body of myself.

New Year Resolution

I suppose being a quarter into the year is not too late to set your new year's resolution right? Right?

Geez, whatever OK? I found one and I'm going to set it as my goal anyway. If you know me, you'd know that I'm not exactly outspoken or in fact at all confident with myself, especially when I'm not in my comfort zone or with people I am accustomed with.

And this brings me to my resolution. I am going to try and be more outspoken, to be more sociable and not worry about how stupid I look if I say something less than witty. I'm going to try and come out of this coccon of mine and grow some balls wings! ROFL