R. City - Locked Away ft. Adam Levine

Had this song stuck in my head today, and started randomly singing it when I was chatting with the bf. And so I asked him,

Me: If I show you my flaws, if I couldn't be strong, tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?
BF: Do you have flaws?
Me: Of course!
BF: What flaws?
Me: I am fat.
BF: That is not a flaw.
Me: Yes it is. I have old knees.
BF: That is also not a flaw.
Me: Yes it is. And I am fat.
BF: haha.. Why do you keep repeating that?
Me: Because that's my flaw. I am fat.
BF: No, that is not your flaw.
Me: So being fat is not a flaw?
BF: No.

<3 <3 <3

My first attempt at baking a cake

So some of you may have seen my facebook status going, "I just made the ugliest cake I've ever seen in my life.." And truth be told, I really did.. So today, I am going to post some pictures of my ugly cake, and my operation save carrot cake mission. Also, while I am at it, I'll show you some of the quite brutal but truthful and appreciated comments about my fugly cake.. XD

Take a deep breath.. 

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Make sure you are not eating anything

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Here goes nothing!

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 Tadaaa~~

I kid you not.. Isn't it ugly? FYI, this is a carrot cake, the yellow stuff are icing that melted all the way to the bottom. All those yellow stuff at the bottom are icing!

And as I promised, comments given by my friends:

CL: What is that? Why is it black? Why is there so many layers? Why is it yellow? I have never seen a carrot cake that look like this in my entire life. 

Ca: I actually cannot make out what is it actually. Did you try it? Throw it away. Bake a new one?

AC: It looks like a meat loaf with lots of fat on it.

At the end though, most did ask if it taste good and if it did it should be fine.

Anyway, here comes operation save carrot cake:

Step 1: Put that meat loaf looking cake into the fridge to cool the icing.

Step 2: Scrap icing from the bottom of the base and spread it on top of the cake again.

Cake now looks less horrid

Step 3: Slice carrot cake into small portions

Getting there

Step 4: place carrot cake into container for the finishing touch

Barely ok, but at least it no longer look like a meat loaf with lots of fats!

So yea, it's all about the packaging.

Lesson learnt: Do not attempt to put icing when cake is steaming hot! haha

I guess this is what homesick feels like

Hey guys!

I have a confession to make. Deep down in my heart, I always thought I will never feel homesick. I thought I'd never understand what homesick felt like. Not because I think I am a hell of a great and certainly not because I have a heart of steel. But because, I frankly thought that nothing could ever affect me that much. Because hey, even if I was mad at someone or something, even if I was sad, even if I was annoyed, my feelings quickly melt away after awhile. I just don't hold on to grudges, sadness or pretty much most of the negativity. (again, not trying to be condescending). I guess, while I am pretty emotional, I get out of the hype soon enough. Maybe this is a way my body ensures that I don't get into an emotional overdrive and kill myself. haha.. 

Anyway, back to my main point. I know that when I left home, I'd experience a lot of stuff, but homesick wasn't what I thought would happen to me. (yea, I was too ignorant. Go ahead and laugh..)

But one day, I was sitting in my room, all alone.. Which was pretty normal by now.. and this sudden thought hit me.. I thought, "if I died here, tonight, in my room. No one would know. My friends and family back home would think I might be too busy at the moment. My friends or uni might think I just didn't come in. And my landlord would have, well, I don't think they would take note. Not until I started rotting and the stench alerted them". And if that's not depressing enough, I then thought, "if I fell really really ill, no one would really care! Say, if I ended up at the hospital, no one would visit!"

I felt so miserable and emotional that big fat tears just started rolling down my cheek uncontrollably. Please don't ask me why I was being such an emotional wreck or overthinking the whole thing. I have no clue what was going on with that puny brain of mine but it did. And I cried and cried and cried. And I decided to tell my siblings about it. And these were some of the amazing things they said that really helped me through that emotional breakdown I had.

Sister: "Aww.. *huggies* You can always messenger us. When you feel lonely you can call us." "We will fly over ok? Don't be so emotional. Mum wil lbe the first to fly over. Or she'll ship you home."
Brother: "If needed, I will swim over"
Sister: "*sends 4 emoticons of simmers* me, mum, dad and bro. *sends emoticon of Australia flag* (as in to say they will all swim over if needed.)
Brother: "I miss you very much. Less one person asking me open the door when I play dota. If anything. you really can call us. Or ask your bf." (I should point out at this point that I am ridiculously useless and always forget my keys when I go out. So my brother will always need to come out and open the doors for me when I am home. Yes, even in the middle of his game. He is that awesome!)

That night, they made me cried harder, made me felt so much more loved, made me felt like everything will be ok.

The second time I felt another weird emotional outbreak was just a few days ago. And this is actually the reason why I wanted to post this. 

Few days ago, I was in one of my Christmas moods, I was happily humming carols while I was doing my daily facial cleansing routine. And then I had many ideas of what I want to do. Like get Christmas outfit, got shopping and buy my 2016 Chinese New Year outfit. Maybe this year I'll buy my own tiny little Christmas tree and decorate it just the way I want it in my own room. Benefit of having your own room. Everything was perfect. And then, this emotional thing just hit me again. I would be decorating my tiny Christmas tree alone, I would be celebrating Christmas alone. I would be doing my Christmas shopping and Chinese New Year shopping alone. I suddenly miss the shopping malls back home, the decoration, the stores, even the bloody smell of the malls. That sense of feeling you get around this time of the year back home. And then tears threaten to come rolling down my cheeks again. Except this time, I told myself, "come on, you can do this. Just give yourself a chance to experience this. Don't be so negative. And is it's not like I really don't have friends here. I guess, I just miss home."

So yea, its this sudden pangs, sudden intense longing for the people you grew up with, the familiarity of surrounding.. I guess that's what homesick feels like.

If you have similar feelings, please feel free to share with me. Or if I had the definition of homesick all wrong, please share with me your opinion.

Abstract picture? Randomly taken by me. One of the upsides of being here, is that everything is so beautiful! :)

Until then! 

How I never seem to lose weight even though I exercise

Always saying "I am fat and I cannot lose weight whatever I do"
So you probably have heard how I always complain I am fat, and how I should lose weight and how I am going to make sure this time I'll stick through with it and of course, in the end I don't stick through it, and I moan and get all dramatic about how I'll always be fat because I was just born fat and I will never ever be slim and why should I try when it never will work anyway..

Seeing slight improvement and letting all hell break loose.
Well, what you didn't know was, every time I see slight improvements, I let go of all self consciousness and allow myself to overeat again. When I losing like a kg or 2 and.. I kid you not..When I see myself lose a kilo or two, I become so relaxed with myself that I always gain those 1-2kg back within a short period of time. What's worst is that sometimes I overdo it to the extend that I actually gain more than I lost. Which, unfortunately, makes me heavier than I was before. And well, over the years, you can see how that accumulates.

The BMI mystery
While, I take pride in saying that I am not obese, I am certainly not in a good weight range. I don't know how but I remembered in the past that a healthy BMI was around 18-22? Nowadays I google about healthy BMI and it's actually up until 25!!!

Current BMI chart..

If you look at the current BMI criteria for healthy people, I am definitely in the range, but if you look at the BMI in the past, I am downright OVERWEIGHT!! (shhh!!! for those of you who guessed my BMI, just don't every speak of it with me!! TQVM!!)

I didn't realise I binge eat (not too seriously though!! Thank God!!)
Anyway, recently, after an emotional outbreak with le bf complaining about me overeating pizzas. Yes, I over ate pizzas. How many you ask? Well, 7-8 slices!!! FML!! That's like nearly 1.5 regular pizzas!!

Just in case you did not believe I ate 1.5 pizza. One regular pizza is 6 slices.. FML

Anyway, back to the topic, after finding out how I lose control of the amount I eat without realising it, I realise that I cannot count on my tummy and my brains to tell me how much is too much food and when I should stop. So that night itself, I went onto play store and searched for apps that would help me control my calorie intake. I knew the quest to find a good app would be challenging, but I needed to focus and do something otherwise I would go crazy dwelling in my misery for eating 7-8 fucking pizzas!!!

A few help to keep myself in check!
It was the most surprising thing ever. I have always looked for apps for calorie counting and it has always sucked. I recently downloaded one and it actually works wonders! I have almost used it for a week now, and realise some huge mistakes that I often make! Anyway, before I let the cat out of the bag on which app I am using, I want to test it out a few more days before introducing it to you all. So if you are interested, stay tuned!

Until then!

Conversation for thought - What everyone studying abroad feels..

Colleague A: "I want to go back to my country after I graduate. I love my country. " 
Me: "What do you love most about your country?"
Colleague A: "My family, my students, my friends 
Me: "So, the people there. Anything else?"
Colleague A: "my society club (referring to uni club), playing games with my friends, hanging out with my friend's.. "
Colleague B: "here you have no friends, you have nothing to do on weekends..u just stay at home all day.."

I gathered two things from this conversation:

1. Your country is only important because of the people there. Everything else is replaceable. It is the people interaction, the relationship built, the emotion strings attached to it that ties most strongly to your heart and keeps you attached to the country.

A glimpse of some of the amazing people in my life!

When you leave something familiar, and move to somewhere where literally no one you know, it may seem intimidating at first and then you find that it is not too big a deal. Slowly though, the lack of human interaction, especially during the weekends WILL get to you. I know because I FEEL IT. And that is the reason why, when I have new found friends, I become so engrossed in building the friendship I feel like a despo and I get so emotional when thing's don't turn out the way I want it to!

p/s: I am still learning how to deal with this.

2. You are not the only one feeling lonely. It's not just me that felt that way. Initially, I thought I was some needy piece of shit (yes, piece of shit) that always needed attention (like some sort of attention seeking whore). I hated myself for it and kept asking myself to stop being so pathetic. Many of my friends back home said that I should just learn how to be alone, that being alone can be really enjoyable and that they enjoy it! In my mind, I was like why can't I learn how to enjoy these things? Why am I so needy? But turns out, I am not the only one that feels this way.Everyone in my shoes feel the same way. I guess, having me time/spending time alone when you are surrounded by the people you love and care about in a place you are familiar with is enjoyable. I mean, I do enjoy those moments when I was back home. But here, you spend most your time alone anyway, why would you still find being a lone to be good quality time or enjoyable?

Anyhow, as time passes, one way or another, we will learn to survive this and deal with it better. It's true! Because I don't find myself in such a messed up emotional state as I frequently did in the pass few months (and probably hence why I am writing this post today) and I accept that while I desperately want companion in my mundane life, I don't have to try too hard to "make friends". I don't have to try to be the perfect friend to keep these people by my side (because you really cannot expect people to always be there for you) and you can always find something else to do to keep you from feeling so miserable. 

Oh well, that being said, I would say that I never regret my decision of coming here. I am experiencing and seeing a lot of new things. And I feel ever so blessed! =)

One of my favourite sunsets so far!

Until next time!

Alone, yet not so alone..

It's been awhile huh? Well, I confess, I've spent so much time watching dramas that I think I neglected a lot of stuff lately, and I think I should focus on bringing myself back on track.. xD

First, a bit of an update of myself.. Lab has started.. (Like thank God).. Unfortunately though, everything I've done feels like a complete waste to me at the moment.. Hope things will be better soon.. On the other hand, did I tell you that I've joined the gym? I'm taking body pump, body combat, polefit and zumba classes now.. Not all of them at once of course, but I try to go for 2-4 classes per week (mostly 2 classes >.< ).. Anyway, these classes are way fun than I thought it would be! And it gets easier after time, so do try it out if you are keen on going but afraid you will suck at it.. :P

Logo of the gym classes I join, well, except polefit.. heh

My new Samsung Galaxy Note 4 <3 <3 <3

And then few days ago I somehow dropped my Huawei Ascend Mate 6.1 again and the battery connector broke AGAIN! So I had no phone to use.. I tried looking for repair shops here but all they fix are iPhone screens and Samsung screens.. :|  In the end I decided to get a new phone.. Was considering between my dream phone (Samsung Galaxy Note 4 and a more affordable LG G3, and in the end, I chose my dream phone over something more practical.. :P ) I am now super broke and cannot even afford to eat out at all.. :c

While I do have friends here now, sometimes, I will still need to do things on my own.. Not that I'm complaining, I'm just saying.. haha.. Went to do groceries on my own this week.. It wasn't as bad.. But I got conned by the cashier who charged me for $2.98/kg nectarine when I actually bought $0.99/kg yellow peaches :@ Its a turned out to be a difference of nearly $4 and I didn't realise it until I got home!!!! :@ :@ :@

Dahlah pokai kan? Kena donate lagi.. #@$^

Anyway, what to do? Too late to regret now.. Just treat it as a donation lar.. :(

Oh and, I nearly forgot, bus stops here are pretty cooling even though the sun is hot and biting! The breeze is nice.. The bus efficiency is better than in Malaysia, but on weekend it tend to be a little slow and that's why I had ample time to take a shot of companion (my grocery bag) at the bus stop while waiting patiently for Bus Man.. :)

Grocery companion for the week 

Until next time!

Getting rid of that chicken / poultry smell!

Not sure if my post makes any sense to any of you, but recently I purchased a chicken thigh at the butcher and it stank of poultry smell! :~ Let me clarify that the meat is perfectly fresh, the meat has not gone bad, its just that typical poultry smell you get when you go to the butcher, except, you'd never realise that meat could actually smell that bad when it has been bought home!

Anyway, I just washed the meat as usual and cooked it as usual. The moment the meat entered the pan, I almost threw it away into the bin. Why? Because the smell intensified! Anyway, I tried to  cover it with adding cheese and garlic, but it was completely hopeless. In the end, I think it smelled like dog food from home. o_O

So after that meal (yes, I ate that dog food smelling meal. A meal is still a meal right? And I'm on a tight budget here.), I realised that I need to get rid of this stench before I make soup with chicken thigh next. So I googled, and called mum, and used my creativity and in the end this is what I came up with.

Ways to remove chicken/poultry smell

1. Wash and remove all unwanted portion. You can even slice them up if you want, I did that. And place them in a bowl. Pour hot water over it to rinse it and then wash them under running water.
2. Wash and remove all unwanted portion. Rub salt onto meat and leave for a few minutes before rinsing the salt of under running water.
3. Wash and remove all unwanted portion. Squeeze lemon juice onto meat and rub it around and leave for a few minutes before rinsing it under water.
4. Wash and remove all unwanted portion. Pour a mixture of 1/3 white vinegar and 2/3 water onto the meat and again leave for a few minutes before rinsing under water.

You may choose to combine more than one method or just do either one of it depending on if you still find it smelly after the step.

Hope it works for you! Good luck! :)

Until next time!

Grocery Purchasing Experience

First week here, I was with mum, all I need to worry about was setting up a bank account, finding a place to live, how the transportation work, meeting my supervisor, sorting out all the documentations for uni and for my scholarship and finding the best place to shop because, the price of groceries here can be insane!! (well, at least for a Malaysian!)     xD

Next, I had to ensure that mum will not only spend time here with me to suffer while I did all these stuff, and made sure I brought here to some places to visit as well. I'll post this up one day. haha..

When she left, I was miserable, as you guys already know, so I dealt with my misery by spending time watching Korean dramas, movies and calling home! I even had enough time to make a table on the groceries I have bought so that I could be more price savvy in the future!! Anyway, the point of my blog post today is to actually share with you on my grocery purchasing experience.

So here goes,

First 2 weeks alone:
Think I bought 1 bunch of Choy sum, a zuccini cucumber, some bacon and a mince meat. And I thought, ok, should be able to last me a week, what with all the rice, spaghetti and stuff mum bought me. And I was wrong! I lasted 2 weeks! Thanks to the cyclone Marcia that made sure I stretched my food supply at home!

Cyclone Marcia as pictured from abc.net.au

And so I realised, damn it, I cannot just buy food enough for a week. I need to make sure it last longer!

Another thing I learnt, when you reach home, do not ever just throw all your meat purchase in the freezer, it will kill you to separate them later. Separate them into different freezer bags and store them (buy biodegradable ones if you are concern about eco-friendliness!)

These are the freezer bags I bought from Coles

*Side note: did you know, if you googled frozen bag, all you get is Frozen cartoon imprinted back packs?!

Third week alone:
So at the end of the second week, I went crazy shopping for groceries! I think I went grocery shopping like 3 times and I bought like $80 worth of groceries. And here was the next problem, halfway into the third week, I realised that food didn't have much flavour even though I tried to put lots of salt (which apparently I am failing at, because I'm used to putting teaspoons of salt not shaking it out of a tiny bottle with tiny holes!), and I only have garlic!! Also I realised, mince meat isn't enough and I would need to buy real meat.

So when I ate this the other day, it felt heavenly!! This is roasted pork with steamed vegetables and roasted potatoes

So here's my summary of my post if you didn't realise what I was trying to say:

1. Buy more vegetables, they last far longer in the fridge than you think it would.
2. Try to buy fruits in varying degrees of ripeness so that you won't have to stuff all that fruit down your throat when its all on the verge of over-ripping or spoiling.
3. Make sure you buy more ingredients (garlic, ginger, onions, chilli, pepper and etc) otherwise, food is just bland.
4. Buy more meat! It last for a month or so in the freezer, so that you don't have to keep hunting for meat!
5. Separate the meat!!!! I cannot stress this enough!
6. Rice can last quite long in the fridge as well. (Damn, I'm getting good with storing and eating leftovers.. o_O )

Things I am currently learning:

1. Counting the amount of shakes I need to do to add the right amount of salt to each dish.
2. Boiling less water when making soup (I'm just too greedy when it comes to soup. >.< )
3. Planning on learning how to use an oven.
4. The multiple uses of yoghurt! Did you know it taste good with rice?

Until next time!

Arriving at Gold Coast

After all the packing, and all the preparation, I made my way to KLIA2.. It's funny though, it's been 2 month since I started preparing for this journey and all these time, there was no sadness or emotional hype that I experienced. Perhaps it was because I was so busy preparing that I did not have time to feel anything, but when the moment came to board the plane, tears came running down my cheeks uncontrollably. I couldn't stop them and I felt so silly!

Me after crying like a baby

Anyway, after getting my emotions in check (or so I thought!) I hopped onto the plane (Air Asia - the most budget one stop airline to Coolangatta Airport) with mom, and we were on our way to Gold Coast.

First thing to note, and I kid you not, is the commonality of skin cancer in Gold Coast! The guy next to us on the plane? He had skin cancer. His whole family? They had skin cancer too! Fine, maybe its genetics or maybe they just don't use sun blocks/ love to sun bath too much. But when I got of the plane and hopped onto the shuttle bus to my host's accommodation, I saw sign boards on skin cancer treatments, skin cancer clinics and warning about skin cancer and I was like, OMG, it's really really serious here!

Taken from a website, this sign was created in conjunction with skin cancer awareness month

The sun here is crazy!!! The temperature might be lower than in tropical countries but if you let yourself bask in the sun for a moment or two, it feels like the sun is literally eating you! I've not been known to use an umbrella while walking under the sun but here in Gold Coast, the moment the sun is up, I hide beneath the umbrella. It's that scary. Good thing though, when you feel hot and would like to take a break from walking, you can always sit at the bus stop, and the wind will definitely cool you down.

Anyway, that's it for now..

Until next time!

In the beginning...

Somewhere in the beginning of 2014, a voice inside my head begin to speak.. It said, "are you happy with your life now? Will you be happy to settle down with what you have? Time is catching up. You are not getting any younger, so either do it now, or forever hold your peace."

One of my childhood fantasy, was to one day, earn a scholarship with my own capability and go overseas to study. I asked myself then, did I really try to get a scholarship in the past? The truth is, there was always something holding me back. Either because I was too afraid to find out I wasn't worth giving a scholarship to or because I was too afraid to leave my loved ones behind. So this time, I told myself, I am going to do whatever it takes, to get a scholarship, and if this try doesn't succeed, then yes, I am ready to settle down with what I have now, and with no regrets.

And try as hard I did, I don't want to bore you with the nitty bitty details of the hurdles I went through, but I was almost certain I wouldn't get the scholarship, and I blamed bad luck, fate and in-capabilities for it.

Then one day, my supervisor emailed me, "you've got it. You got the scholarship. Wait for the university to email you the official letter." 

I didn't know what to think! I already gave up! I didn't feel happy, or sad. I just didn't know what to feel. But I told myself, I tried my best and now that I got it, I'm not going to back away. I started preparing for it. Got everything done, nearly emptied my savings in the process. Getting the insurance. the health check, the air tickets, some essentials and etc etc. I resigned from my job, sold my car, packed my bags and left my loved ones behind (and this is the hardest thing for me to do) and braced myself for the journey ahead.

And this brings me to my post here today. I've decided to record down this journey of mine. As a memory for myself, and for my loved ones. I hope I can keep up the post and not give up halfway though.

Until next time!

A picture I took at the beach of Surfer's Paradise in the first week of my arrival..