My weight lost journey in June 2016

So it's been a month and I feel so depressed I think I should pen it down. Why am I depressed? It's the same reason I as always, and the same thing I like to blog and complain about - I've been trying to lose weight and failing miserably. This post will serve as a self reminder, a record if you will, to understand myself a little more. Everytime I lose a bit of weight, I feel like I need to gain it back. I literally eat it back! And I'm extremely successful at it. I don't understand how it's so hard for some people to lose weight because it comes so naturally to me!!!! I don't understand how I know I want to lose weight with all my heart, but the next minute I want to gain it back with as much if not more conviction than I had with trying to lose it in the first place. Is this a psychological problem? Is this a brain trigger to keep your body weight in check as a survival mechanism? Does my will power suck and I just have lame excuses or am I trying to reward myself for the "hardwork" I've put in only to ultimately make it a complete waste? I've been taking pictures of my weight for a month now and I realise its really easy to lose 1kg. I can do that in a week, with healthy diet and exercise. But I also easily gain it back in a week, with letting lose, treating myself and making excuses. And the week after I feel like shit because of the weighing scale and I repeat the cycle again. I'm writing it down this time because I am going to try and keep the losing weight cycle to 2 weeks now instead of 1 week,or,if possible to 1 month instead of 1 week. I am full of self doubt, self loathing and self pity right now that I don't think this is going to happen. But we'll see. I'll update you in a month. Any maybe one day, just one day, when I achieve my target, I'll be brave enough to show the internet world a compilation of my weight change and self loathing fat body of myself.